Talk:American Federation of Teachers
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. They pertain only to the sections you've already begun developing; keep in mind, though, that you still need to fill in the others as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages:
- You might restructure the "History" section so that the "founding" subsection comes first; then, you can create additional subsections to help organize the development of the AFT since the 1910s.
- You might elaborate a bit more on the information in the "founding" subsection to provide more historical context and a richer sense of how the organization initially got off the ground to your readers. Also, was the AFT affiliated with the AFL-CIO from the get-go? If not, when did this happen and how?
- Same goes for the various developments discussed in the rest of the "history" section -- particularly the more recent ones, which are stated very briefly rather than explained at any length. For example, what's the story behind the membership expansion you mention took place in the 2000s?
- The AFT's involvement in the healthcare reform debates is of course very timely; keep in mind, though, that your readers may be looking at the entry a few months (or years) down the line. So, you might want to rework that paragraph a bit to make sure that it maintains its relevance even once the healthcare issue loses its salience.
- It's not clear how the paragraph about "sound, commonsense public education policies" fits into the section on "Organizational structure" -- you might either clarify why it's there or remove it. Same goes for the listing of notable members at the end of the section.
- The discussion of school desegregation is very interesting; however, you might make the AFT's role the post-Brown developments a lot more salient within it.
- It's not quite clear what the AFT's role was in the Ocean Hill-Brownsville episode or why it counts as an organizational achievement; so, you might revise that paragraph to clarify why it belongs where it is.
- Finally, throughout the entry there are various terms that you might put in double square brackets (i.e. [[ ]] ) in order to create internal links; e.g. AFL-CIO, Child Labor Coalition.
Shamira Gelbman 22:31, 4 October 2009 (UTC)
Second (peer) evaluation comments
First off sorry for the inconvinence. I was just recently reassigned to evaluate you paper and give my opinion. As a reader, I have to say that I am impressed with your progress. I have read over the first evaluation and I see that you have attempted to update based on the pointers given to you.
Personally, I have never really thought to look in the American Federation of Teachers, but based on the information you've provided thus far, I now have a better understanding of this group/organization.
Some things I would suggest you try are to incorporate more of your own experiences into the facts. Experiences you have had that might be similar or comparable to this organization; if anything this organization has accomplished has had an affect on your life as a student or someone you know. Just to make it more interesting and not so bland.
I also suggest that you make your facts clearer to your readers. I dont understand the role played by ATF in the Brownsville ordeal under organizational achievements. Just be sure the reader understands more in detail what roles the ATF play and what they benefit. Maybe explain more about the unions tradition and rights they fight to uphold?
I hope that my review helps you.
Comments from other Citizens
Hello, I am an AFT member and former local president and have read your article with great interest. I found this error: regarding the election of national officers the article states "They are elected at the union’s bicentennial convention." Shouldn't that be "biennial convention?" If we elected officers every 200 years we'd all be dead. Could you also link to other topics on CZ like Brown v. Board of Education and Albert Shanker? That would help, even if they aren't yet created. Thanks for the article; it was much needed. Oh, btw, you are aware that AFT is the largest union in the AFL-CIO, aren't you? Last I looked we had 1.4 million members. But you should dig up the statistics on that. Best, Russell D. Jones 04:11, 10 December 2009 (UTC)